WOMEN CANNOT BE INDEPENDENT
I
feel nowadays that if a woman does not want to be in the workforce,
but instead stay at home tending to her kids and husband, she isn't
seen as an independent woman by her female peers. But isn't it funny
that sixty years ago the emergence of women working to financially
support their household and having career aspirations that went
beyond a stipend at the end of the month, was a total slap in the
face for the men and an act of defiance and rebellion in society?
Money
is seen as the universal sign of independence, and this brings to
mind something I read that Beyonce said on the topic of feminism and
gender equality about how men use money to “run the show”.
Personally I think money is used to control. Period. It is what
brings the division between the classes, the divide between the rich
and poor, but I don't want to get too much into that or I'll digress.
But
what would one say about Vivian Maier, fiercely strong in character,
taking photos out of pure enjoyment that would later on inspire the
masses is she no more an independent woman because she did not make
money off her art whilst she was alive?
To
make this discussion fair, I will start with my mother, who firmly
believes in a woman not depending on a man for anything. My mother
always says how a woman in a relationship must earn her own money
because anything can happen at any given time in the relationship,
supposedly say, the business collapses, or he's made redundant, or
has a life-altering physical injury etc and all that would put a
financial strain on the relationship if there was nothing to fall
back on. To that, I agree with her.
A
lot of the women in my family earn more than the men due to various
circumstances which has made me motivated to be financially
independent but that doesn't mean that I don't entertain my own
delusions of one day having my prince charming come and save me from
all my financial burdens and never having to worry about money again.
Recently
I was on the phone to one of my close friends having a long
discussion about relationships and guys in general, and something she
said really stuck out to me. She told me that a guy she really liked
had asked her to be his girlfriend but she didn't feel 'perfect'
enough to be with him.
When
I asked her what she meant by that, she said she didn't feel
confident in her career, finances - in general she didn't think she
was the type of girl a guy would love to show off to his friends and
family and that really made me sad that my friend felt this way.
But
it's an insecurity that I believe that not only my friend feels, but
also many females out there including myself, in the pursuit of being
the ideal 'independent' woman of the 21st
century.
But
I ask, who's ever heard of the term independent man? You never hear
about the independent man, because society just assumes that men are
born independent and have no need of the opposite sex.
Why
do we need to attach a seemingly 'positive' adjective to set us aside
from other females? Why do we need to affirm that we are strong and
independent before adding the word woman? Isn't just being a woman
good enough?
And
it's funny to me that so many romance novels include the cliché of
the billionaire rich guy falling in love with the poor girl. Just
like drunken words are sober thoughts, are the writers behind these
type of stories trying to hide behind the guise of their characters
to reveal their actual desires?
We
also have to flip the pancake on the reader's side - they read it.
And guess who the target audience is? Yes, females. And clichés are
clichés because they're popular, and there wouldn't be so much of these
type of storylines without the demand.
So
do us females know what we want?
Are
we ashamed to be dependent? I can admit that they way I've been
brought up, I've always found it quite hard to ask for help.
The
female energy dictates that we are natural receivers whereas males
are givers, but when we do find ourselves on the receiving end – no
pun intended – it becomes a battle between nature and nurture
because the world we live in today makes us less accustomed to it. A
recent study done by RAND showed that single mums represent ten
percent of households in Europe and statistics of the USA for 2015
show that of the twelve million single parent households 80% are
single mothers, meaning that more than ever females foot the bill at
the end of the day.
Why
the term trophy wife has a negative connotation I don't know, well I
do know but we see now how a seemingly 'positive' noun phrase becomes
pejorated. The truth is we are
trophies. Of course we are, we have the earth's core vested in our
souls.
We
are the muse to the world's most revered artists – personally I
think every woman is owed some royalties from their ex-lovers.
But
still the question remains, what does it mean to be an independent
woman in the 21st
century?
Is
being a dependent woman wrong?
Is
the fact that a woman just wants to be a stay at home wife wrong?
Is
the fact that a woman desires to be successful in her career and also
be a mother at the same time right?
And
what would one say about sugar babies paying their way through school
by earning their wages from men with disposable income to solicit sex
or company - are they still independent?
Who
is independent?
Personally
I think women and men cannot be wholly independent, because that's
just not the way God created us to be.
Because
yes a woman can have all the money that the world has to offer but is
she spiritually, mentally, emotionally and sexually independent?
Does
she not need God to encourage growth in her faith and like-minded
people to fellowship with, does she not need friends, and what about
sex – God created it to be enjoyed between a man and a woman, no
matter the release you can get from masturbating. No one can ever be
sexually independent. It simply does not make sense.
So
again I ask, what does it mean to be an independent woman?
Personally,
I would not consider myself an independent woman, because first of
all I don't know what that term means: Yes I pay for my own things,
yes I'm intelligent, yes I mostly enjoy being alone most of the time.
But I still want human interaction so all of a sudden I'm not
independent?
If
I decide to let a guy pay for my bills, that's my prerogative and if
I so wish to pay for my own shit, that's my choice too. It does not
make me weaker, it just means I'm secure in the decisions that I take
as a human being.
Enjoyed reading this and want more? Click on the links below:
- Efé's Thought for the Month: My Body is not a Canvas
- Eféctive Guest Post by Mayen Writes: The Art Of Healing
Don't forget to click the thumbs up button!
P.s now you've got me asking myself that same question.
ReplyDeleteVery thought provoking post.
ReplyDeleteThat's all I wanted to do with this post. To ask the questions and not answer. So glad it had the desired effect on you.
DeleteThank you for reading!