Monday, 11 April 2016



Healing is one of the most difficult things in the world to comprehend. We devote much of our lives trying to understand how we can fit in– assimilate– into our environments. Many of us don’t realize that we spend a majority of that time attempting to heal what aches in our hearts and minds– most of us not knowing what plagues us in the first place.

How do we go about pinpointing what drives us to desire this inner stability? Typically, we must realize what it is– in our lives– that we look to for consolation. Do we covet money, love, recognition?

What is it that we want?

Then… we must ask ourselves, what do we need? Many times, we confuse what we need with what we wantcraving with necessity.

There is nothing wrong with wanting money, but how much of it do we need at our place in time? There is nothing wrong with wanting love in our lives, but what type of love do we really need to get us through? There is nothing wrong with wanting recognition, but what is it about this recognition that makes us feel that we need this spotlight?

What are we really asking ourselves: what is missing in me?

This idea that we are incomplete drives us to reach for temporary fixes. The problem with these “fixes” is that they may mend us from the outside. Though, we all know that a tree cannot truly thrive without healthy roots. A sapling doesn’t have to begin in the richest soil to have the future of a mighty oak. Because again, we all know that with careful measures, a sapling can be removed from its place and taken to earth filled with an abundance of nutrients.

It is inevitable that I compare our likeness to trees. They plant, they sprout, they rise up, they spread out, they give life. And one of the most fruitful things they provide to us is the air we breathe. In order for us to live, we must be able to breathe with the tools given to us. We must be in spaces that allow us to suck the fresh air into our bodies so that we can exist in harmony with our surroundings.

But what happens when a storms of water or winds violently pass through our landscape? The damaging possibilities of what can happen to our frames, amidst the unfavorable weather, are predictable.

Whether it be in your everyday environment or online, we have branches of ourselves that can bend and break. Like that of a storm, one moment can change the way we view ourselves and especially the way we feel.

However, unlike the snapped bough of a tree, we can piece ourselves back together. We may be told to follow our heart’s desires everywhere we turn, but what do we do about the mind that manifests what the heart craves in the first place?

Most of us were born into a world that gave us and continues to give us no choice but to think we need to rely on dependencies to get through our lifetimes. We are not inherently taught to believe that we can breathe without them– money, praise, beauty, etc.

But at the end of the day, when we have nothing else, we have ourselves– mind, body, and spirit. That’s a lot to be left with, and these aspects of ourselves are not as easily bridged to one another. There can be miles or even seas in between these parts of our whole.

In order for us to find and connect these parts, we must go on journeys to find them. We many not be able to see what we’re looking for through turbulent weather of old manifestations, but in our minds, we have always held the power to transform our climates.

This power within us never dies.

With all of these abilities to craft our world from the inside out, it’s all the more reason to spend time with who is already within our person. And if you can admit to the infinite potential of the mind, then you can acknowledge that there is so much more to learn about yourself than you’ve ever known, on a daily basis.

Everyday can be a new journey to discovering what is within youwho you really are. When you can start to piece together who you are, you can begin to figure out what it is that you truly need. And it is then that you can undo the doubts that our societies have planted in our minds and be on a genuine path to healing ourselves from within.

When we’ve reached these acknowledgements of self, we can face adversities with unparalleled strengths that allow us to not only go on but also to evolve into the creators we were born to be without hesitation.

For my fellow writers, never forget to write for yourselves first and foremost. Good writing will be filled with passion and an authenticity that will help you find the audience that you can share your worlds with. Many of them will be a lot like you, they will be mirrors– every relationship is a reflection of ourselves. And if you are happy with you and what you give to the world, you will never fear your spectators nor the passions you share with them.

I'm an amateur storyteller that is addicted to Wattpad. You can also check out her blog by clicking here and follow her on Twitter.

Full credit goes to Mayenwrites for this blog post.

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Monday, 4 April 2016

Efé's Thoughts in April


You know what pisses me off? When someone says to me, “You're too young to be depressed.” Like who the fuck put you on jury duty to decide who should or shouldn't feel guilty about being depressed?

There's eleven year olds shooting, there's fifteen year olds being beheaded, there's four year olds being convicted of murder and you still think young people don't have problems?

It's the reason why I'm so motherly over my cousin, because she's in her pre-teen years and I know how I felt when I was at that age. There's nothing like having someone physically there with you, who wouldn't dismiss or downgrade you when you're feeling vulnerable, but as it was, I had nobody.

I remember when I was about ten years old and I would call Childline, a free children’s counselling service, just so I could talk to someone and feel that they cared about me and not judge me but when I heard someone coming through the door I would quickly end the call. Yes, pretty sad. The only other way I knew how to work out my depression was to write about it.

Being the child of two Africans means that depression wasn't and still isn't a topic of discussion I naturally start to talk about with them. After all, what more could I want? I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table. Free education? Free healthcare? Job opportunities? I have all that, so what else?

There are people out there who have less than what I have and they live happily so am I just ungrateful? Are we just ungrateful? After all, anyone who is able to read this, most likely has most of the things listed above, if not all.

The truth is I am grateful for all the blessings that God had given me, but that doesn't mean I can't be depressed and others my age or younger are not susceptible to depression. Depression is not prejudice. It affects all classes and all ages from the poor to the very wealthy.

Now bear in mind that I don't believe that depression is a mental “illness” as doctors and people in the medical field so kindly categorise it. It’s a sort of a when-life-give-you-lemons-make-lemonades type thing in my life.

Like the fact that there’s such a thing as personality-disorder is mind-boggling to me.
What the fuck does a person with an ordered personality look like? Honestly, I would love, love to meet someone who’s personality is straight up just orderly.
I think it’s just pharmaceutical companies making up stupid names to better classify and generalise humans and dope us up with more drugs in order to make their pockets deeper.

Anyhoos, back to the main point of this post which is to encourage empathy for the young and depressed or any young person who feels bugged down by life's bullshit. 
I know for a fact that if a child has someone who's reactions are condescending or judgemental, next time they wouldn't want to open up themselves again and instead it can open them to self-destructive habits. And that's really sad, especially for a younger person going through their formative years, because that would bring on bouts of trust issues that would have an effect on his/her relationships throughout their life.

I thank God for His grace over my life.

People see depression as a thing predisposed to army veterans, those who have had someone close to them die, or some other extremely traumatising experience. But sometimes it could be just because they're dispassionate about life, about living, or about anything at all.

And as I’m writing this, my favourite book in the Bible comes to mind – Job. He was a faithful servant of God yet he’d lost everything and his friends who were supposed to be supportive and encouraging condemned him when was he was his most vulnerable.

What do you think about 16, 17, 18 year olds taking antidepressants?

It almost makes me laugh trying to imagine the reaction of a pharmacist in Nigeria attending to a teenager who wants to get their prescription of antidepressants.

You are depressed, go and live in a village with no electricity, and having to shit outside in the bush and wipe your nyash with tree leaves, then you'll know about depression. Come ought for my way. Depressed nko, depressed ni.”

The belief in Nigeria is that everything can be solved with prayer and that is the truth but even Jesus at the most crucial time in His life sought the support of his friends. Now I can't compare my Beloved's crucifixion to whatever we face in life but the principal still remains - having someone empathise and comfort you when you're vulnerable is a beautiful thing.

So yes we're young but we also have problems too. Real ones. Big ones.

Not because our nails broke, but because we feel helpless and don't know what our future holds. Not because a certain girl didn't want our penis in her vagina, but because we feel the pressure of trying to meet other people's expectations for our life, so we stay high.

You think your life is hard, wells ours is hard too, if not even harder. But this not about competing against who has the biggest problems to win the most people for their pity party - no. This is for you to listen to us without any judgement or condescension.

We come to you because you're older and presumably wiser so listen to us with those things in mind, but don't force us to do things your own way. We're only young, allow us to make mistakes, so we can grow and be the better version of you.

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